As Valentine’s Day comes closer, I decided, why am I waiting to find my Valentine? Tinder and Hinge have yet to work for me. Then, on a late-night doomscrolling session, I found the perfect opportunity: Elegant Singles Event Night at CRAFT Beer Market Vancouver, hosted by Love Without Measure.

The perfect opportunity to find my 6’5, blue-eyed guy in finance. Not really, all that was expected was a room in the bar with probably 20 people, realistically aged 25 and up. But a space where I’d be attracted to at least one person who was also single, without having to guess their relationship status.

Elke Sorensen, our Navigator Associate Media Editor, was quickly recruited for this undercover mission, and together we set sail to Vancouver for the event.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by a full room of bachelors and bachelorettes dressed in floor-length gowns and tuxedos, just like the Eventbrite poster advertised.

Not really, because when does anything go to plan?

It was a high-top table in the middle of a busy restaurant, room enough for nine people. When 7:00 pm rolled around, we met the founder, Coach Tirdad, his wife, the host, and the company’s event planner. Coach was a funny, stout older man who kept giving us hugs (whether we wanted them or not) throughout the night.

The wife and host didn’t say much aside from handshakes and hellos in the beginning. Coach Tirdad was much more friendly, from the touching to the inappropriate jokes, he seemed like a real stand-up guy, with some real stand-up relationship coaching. We can’t say his credentials because he only names himself “Coach Tirdad” on his website, with his relationship advice costing hundreds to thousands of dollars on lovewithoutmeasure.ca.

About 20 minutes after the icebreaker introductions with a table of six other 40 to 60-year-olds, we found my first suitor. Bachelor number one, who was also the event planner, was a 48-year-old gentleman who was eager to talk with me throughout the night. Even gave me his unwanted number.

Bachelor number two opened our conversation with “My daughter is in college too.” Definitely an age-appropriate match for a 21-year-old. He was respectful and spent most of his time chatting with the other two bachelorettes, understandably.

The two other women at the event were kind and talked mostly about their jobs, but all four of us single women left the table with a similar result.

By 7:30 pm, with an hour and a half still left in the event, everyone at the table was packing up just as single as before.

After scrolling through dating app profiles where guys my age write in their bios, ‘looking for my future ex-wife,’ I can’t say this singles event was much better. It was an event with a too-touchy host that I’d never recommend to any singles. Even he gave up and didn’t try to talk much with the bachelorettes after introductions.

My lesson was definitely learned; don’t waste money trying to seek a connection. Romantic connections aren’t made through awkward events like the “elegant” singles night, at least not in my experience. If anyone knows how they are made, feel free to let me know. In the meantime, I’ll be having nightmares over this event.