“Frankenfish” invasion threatens Burnaby pond

In May, a so-called “frankenfish” was sighted in the dim waters of Burnaby’s Central Park pond. A video showing the aquatic beast swimming through the pond quickly attracted national media attention on YouTube due to the creature’s reputation as an invasive species.

The elusive “frankenfish” was reported to be a snakehead, a prehistoric-looking predatory fish with the unique adaptation to survive on land. In June, B.C.’s environment ministry confirmed that the “frankenfish” had been captured and destroyed as a potential ecological threat.

Hamster placed in protective custody after owner’s DUI

In Oct. police officers in Beaverton, Oregon pulled over Nicole Huey, then 27, on suspicion of impaired driving. As officers approached the vehicle they noticed a small furry passenger aboard. The hamster was resting in Huey’s lap and was “not using any safety equipment,” posted the Beaverton Police Department on their facebook page. Huey was later arrested for DUI and taken back to the police department for booking. Officers were concerned for the well-being of the loose hamster after Huey allegedly stated “so you should just kill it,” after questioning her if the hamster would have a place to stay overnight. It took three officers to capture the critter, which was later placed in the care of a local veterinary clinic. Beaverton Police Department state that there is a lesson to be learned: “If transporting your hamster it might be a good idea to have it in some type of container for its safety. In unrelated hamster news, Canadian dungaree connoisseur Justin Bieber was accused of animal cruelty by the California Hamster Association (CHA) for handing over “PAC,” his Russian Dwarf hamster to a screaming concertgoer at his Atlanta Jingle Ball show. Bieber has since received an apology from CHA for his action. PAC is currently residing with Alabama teenager Victoria Blair. “He’s fine. He sleeps during the day and plays at night—he’s acting like a normal hamster,” Blair, 18, told <Celebuzz.com.> “I worship that little hamster—I love him.”

Naked man shoplifts socks from Wal-Mart

In Feb. 2012, then 32-year-old Verdon Lamont Taylor of Pennsylvania was arrested after Exton Wal-Mart employees called the police and reported that he was walking around naked in the store. Security cameras captured the bizarre footage of Taylor as he stripped down before entering the store. Cars swerved to avoid the parking lot exhibitionist. He proceeded to grab a pair of socks and tried them on. Police officers used a taser to subdue Taylor after he refused to comply with their orders and allegedly spat in an officer’s face. West Whiteland Police Department Detective Scott Pezick told the New York Daily News, “He was just babbling and talking incoherent. He was making some references that caused us to believe there was a substance abuse issue. It’s a unique situation. I’ve never had anything like this.”

Mother-daughter porn tag team aspires to become “filthy rich” 

What could be more heartwarming than watching the holiday specials of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo with the family and a bottle of Southern Comfort? Well, a Florida mother and daughter have developed an unusual way of spending time together. Jessica and Monica Sexxxton perform hardcore sex scenes together yet insist that their lips never touch for legal purposes. The mother-daughter porn tag team has recently released their first DVD.

“I enjoy the sex and I enjoy being with my mom,” Monica, 22, aptly told the Huffington Post in Dec. “During the scenes, I think about how we’re going to be filthy rich.” The grade nine dropout had previously worked as a bartender until the family faced eviction three years ago. She decided to enter the adult entertainment industry as an exotic dancer in order to cover the family’s expenses.

Jessica, 56, was encouraged by her daughter to launch a porn career to test the waters. “I wanted to support whatever it was that she wanted to do—[and] I’m right behind her,” she added.

“BBQ chip bandits” 

In a quiet Saanich, B.C. neighbourhood where residents enjoy snacking on lime- flavoured chips, taco chips, and cheesies—staggered two drunken University of Victoria students who were: “overcome by a certain craving—the kind that hits late and hits hard,” reported CTV News Vancouver Island in June.

“These were very specific, hard-to-obtain, barbecue chips,” says Saanich, police’s Sgt. Dean Jantzen to reporters before bursting into laughter. The pair spotted the now defunct Zellers barbecue chip bag glimmering from the shadows of a garage. Although he hadn’t sampled them for himself, Janzen added that the “chips were too yummy to pass up for two highly intoxicated young ladies.”

As if pulled from a This Hour Has 22 Minutes sketch, reporter Joe Perkins rationalized that the chips were “perhaps somewhat of a hot commodity” due to their limited edition and made sure to include several close ups of the chips to illustrate their golden hue and crusty texture. Perkins carefully illustrated the crime by including shots of his outstretched arm popping the precious cache into his off camera mouth as he sternly traced the footsteps of the “BBQ bandits.”

The homeowner was awoken by her “growling Chihuahua” and “tippy toed,” as Perkins poignantly described, towards her phone to dial 911. Soon officers from three different police departments and the canine unit arrived on the scene to follow a possible trail of crumbs. “The chips had been accessed and there had been some illicit chip tastings,” Jantzen adds. The two intoxicated students were taken into police custody and charged with breaking and entering for stealing the chips that retailed for a dollar.