I went unnamed for three weeks after birth before my mother settled upon the name Elke.

There were a few other options, but my favourite is Liesl. If you’re familiar with The Sound of Music (1965), you’ll know Leisl as the eldest daughter of the von Trapp family.

The musical scored my childhood. I knew almost every song—I recited “Do-Re-Mi” in music class and sang “My Favourite Things” in choir. I listened to my mother croon “Maria” when I’d do something mischievous. In teenagehood, I couldn’t wait until I could sing “Sixteen Going on Seventeen” and mean it.

I felt these songs were written just for me. But there’s a song that I hadn’t related to until as of late, and it has something to do with leaving my hometown to attend university.  

In the film, the von Trapps host an extravagant house party. Their marvellous cream-coloured estate bustles with men in suits and ladies in dresses. Guests sip on champagne late into the evening.

But alas, it’s time for the von Trapp children to go to bed. Before they rest their pretty little heads, they sign off with the musical number “So Long, Farewell”.

“Auf Wiederseh’n, goodnight,” they all sing. 

“I hate to go and leave this pretty sight,” Marta carols.

“Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you,” Freidrich adds.

The children sing until they’ve all disappeared up the grand staircase, leaving behind echoes of the word goodbye, sounding the most beautiful it probably ever will.

~

In the past two years, I’ve lived between three cities. Three cities means three groups of loved ones. 

Some people are well-acquainted with a nomadic lifestyle, but others’ first move from home is away to university. I’m the latter. For me, three groups of loved ones means three rounds of goodbyes, and they only seem to get harder as my relationships develop.

The days leading up to goodbyes can be difficult. I’ve always felt distant during these days, and ashamed because of it. 

One of my highschool teachers told my graduating class that there are two types of grad students: those who stick together and spend lots of time with each other before June rolls around, and those who need alone time before the final goodbye.

Goodbyes involving those on different ends of the spectrum can get confusing. While one person might want to throw a goodbye party, the other might want to continue as normal and do regular weekend activities—even if that means doing them alone. Neither of these preferences are wrong. But identifying your tendencies in these situations can save yourself and others from any hurt feelings.

Rachel Dumonceaux is a university student doing a double degree in Graphic Design and Bilingual Education in Strasbourg, France. She’s lived there for four years and spends her time between France and Canada. Rachel has loved ones in Strasbourg and in her hometown of Maple Ridge, where I first met her.

A trick that Rachel uses is saying goodbye without actually saying ‘goodbye’ at all.

“I’ll see you soon,” she’ll say.

Having a future plan to hang out can make a goodbye feel a little less hopeless, Rachel shares.

The hardest goodbye I’ve had to say thus far is to my dear cousin Aven. We grew up in different parts of Canada, but reunited for our first two years of university at VIU. She’s finished while I have two years to go. I stayed with her this summer in her hometown of Yellowknife, but left her to return to Nanaimo.

At the end of August, we held each other in front of security at the airport. “I can’t talk, I’m sorry,” I said into her shoulder. I knew that if I tried to say more, my tears would only drown out the words.

“It’s okay,” she said, and hugged me tighter.

She understood how I felt. The people who love you most will know your heart.

Whenever I move cities, I try my best to take my time settling in. Part of this is discussing communication expectations with loved ones and updating them as needed.

For example, if I’ve agreed on a weekly FaceTime with my best friend but find I don’t have the time or energy, I’ll shoot them a message to keep them in the loop and make sure they feel acknowledged. 

Romantic long-distance relationships can cause heartbreak for many students. But Rachel explains how she maintains a relationship with her long-distance partner, Ben.

Rachel met Ben one year ago while she visited Maple Ridge for summer. But of course, she was due to return to France come fall.

“I feel like our love grows stronger during the periods of absence and the goodbyes are really worth his presence in my life,” Rachel says.

Varying time zones can make it difficult for loved ones to stay in touch, but Rachel uses a nine-hour time difference to her advantage.

“I normally see my friends in Strasbourg on weeknights, so that on the weekends Ben and I video call and play Minecraft,” she says. On weeknights, Rachel can call her mother, who it’s morning for. “It’s really about communication and scheduling things.”

Laurent Lemay is a fourth-year Creative Writing Student at VIU. He’s lived between multiple cities in Québec and British Columbia and has family and friends in both.

Laurent says that considering communication preferences are important in maintaining relationships.

“I’m a phone caller,” he says. “I would rather call someone for a question instead of sending a text. But I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea.”

When Laurent moved back to BC from Montréal in 2020, he deleted Snapchat. But he lost touch with some Montréal friends partly because Snapchat was their primary form of communication. Before moving back to Montréal this summer, Laurent re-downloaded Snapchat and reconnected easily with his friends.

“Take in mind the way other people communicate, too,” he advises.

My personal favourite way to stay in touch with loved ones is through handwritten letters.